Happy birthday mum…where ever you are.

My mum would have been 68 years old today. Not really too sure how I feel today, I’m sad that she is not around, it’s a day we would have celebrated together in someway. But I feel the need to not be upset, like she wouldn’t have wanted it. It’s all a bit confusing. I hear her in my head telling me to carry on with everything, in her over-confident and happy way in the world, but then I also hear other voices telling me it’s ok to feel sad. At the moment all I feel is confused and a bit numb. I didn’t think I could face going to visit her ashes on the Heath today, so I went yesterday instead and planted some flowers and lay under her tree in the sun. I wanted to do something to mark the day today in some way though so I brought a big bunch of her favorite Tulips and made one of my favorite recipes of her’s, Pissaladiere, which I’m going off now to eat right now…

Here’s a nice picture of her I found, cooking in her restaurant L’Escargot in Soho sometime in the 1980’s.

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