It’s six months today that my mum died. This month has been tough, in fact this start of the year has been tough, lots of anniversaries and reminders: christmas, new year, my birthday, mum’s birthday, mothers day, they just keep coming. Sometimes I feel fine, or ok, then there are other days when all I think about is her, and I really feel like doing nothing else. Everything else feels trivial or pointless, I hate feeling like this, it’s not like me, but it’s hard to shake off.
Perhaps it just feels more final now. We spread her ashes and that I suppose is the final thing to do, now I just need to get used to living without her. It’s hard, especially when you do something new, even a small thing like move to a new flat, it’s something she will never see, she can never just pop over for a cup of tea, it’s these little things I miss.